Relationships. What to do if a partner corresponds in social networks with another
Psychologist and sexologist tell you why your partner can be unreasonably jealous and how to deal with this feeling.
I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have known each other for about two years and we became close a year ago. For five or six months everything was good in our relationship: we spent a lot of time together, I knew with whom he socialized, where he went with his friends, who wrote to him. At the same time he told me everything about himself, neither of us checked other people’s phones or emails. I do not doubt my young man’s faithfulness.
Recently we started living together. I was worried that we would be crushed by everyday life and our relationship could weaken. However, my fears were not justified: there was a lot of tenderness and passion between us. Later I began to notice that he was often looking at the phone, writing to someone. It began to embarrass me, sometimes even make me angry. For two weeks I couldn’t find myself, but I didn’t check his phone. In the end I couldn’t stand it and looked to see who was writing to him.
It turned out that he was communicating with a girl in social networks: they were chatting a lot on various topics, joking, exchanging photos. I did not find any love correspondence, but since then I cannot trust my partner. I can see that he loves me, but as soon as I remember his conversations, doubts start creeping in, I get terribly jealous, and my mood starts to deteriorate. I can’t tell him about it, as he will get angry that I looked through the correspondence in the phone, put passwords and stop trusting me. But what to do in this situation, I do not know. All the time I worry that he is better off with someone else than with me, since he spends so much time with someone else and cheat on me. And perhaps one day he cheat on me and will just leave me.
How to be in such a situation?
Olga Krivitskaya, psychologist:
– The best thing in this situation is not to be shy and directly, but without pretensions talk to your partner about what worries you. For example, to say “I see that you regularly correspond with someone. Please tell me what that means to you and should I be concerned?” Then just see what and how the guy responds. Such a move will emphasize that you are mindful of boundaries in your couple, trust your partner, and believe he can work out his feelings.
You may be able to find common ground and decide how to make sure that both partners’ feelings and needs are considered. If the dialogue doesn’t work out, there will be resentment, there is a risk that the conflict will drag on. In the end, this can have a devastating effect on the relationship. In this case it is better to consult a psychologist.
Vasily Shevlyakov, sexologist:
– It is likely that the partner is trying to get the emotions that he lacks in the relationship. Often, various difficulties in a person’s psychosexual development lead to such situations. Then the partner is not aware of the consequences of his behavior, as in this case. Most likely, the man simply does not realize that he is doing something wrong, that his girlfriend is unpleasant from his correspondence. However, it is impossible to build a harmonious relationship on feelings of guilt and debt for a long time.
The girl in this case has extremely toxic jealousy. You need to talk sincerely with your partner about this. Perhaps the girl once experienced rejection or treason, so she reacts to the behavior of the guy.
In this case, it is worth telling him about your worries, suspicions, trying to convey all the complexity and painfulness of the situation, looking for compromise solutions to reduce tension and increase trust in the relationship.