My husband is jealous of the past. Is there a way out, other than divorce?
I have a big problem. We have been living together for over 10 years. We got married four years ago. And all this time my husband torments me with jealousy of what I had before him. And before him I had my first love, of course, unhappy.
My first boyfriend and I dated for about 4 years. Then he dumped me safely, or more accurately, chose a freer life. And I then, as often happens in my youth, befriended him out of spite. When it came to i*tim, or rather the morning, I wildly regretted everything and broke up with him. But all this is a preface, because after a while we met my future husband.
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Immediately it was clear to both of us that this was the man you were looking for, I then forgot about everything, it seemed – here it is, happiness! At first I had no idea that it was so important to him whether he was my first or not. Meanwhile, he kept asking me questions about the past. He told me about it not immediately, after almost six months, I was shocked, depressed, did not know how to go on living and what to do. And the thing is, everything had already been done. Everything that he was interested in in this area, he safely extracted from me unnoticed.
And then the torment began: on the one hand, there was enormous love, mutual. On the other hand, wild, blind jealousy of something that could not be changed. We loved each other very much, and now we are in love. But he periodically “runs into” this state, where I can not do anything.
This whole thing has been over and over a million times.
The thing is, he has this thing – a girl has to be a virgin, and if she isn’t, then she’s second-rate.
I always thought, and still think now, that our relationship is based solely on my patience, love, and obedience.
From the very beginning I decided for myself that my love was enough to handle it all, that we were going through everything together, though of course I secretly hoped that with time it would fade into the background. However, we have been together for over 10 years, we have two beautiful children, and everything from the outside may seem really great, this problem does not go anywhere, and constantly sits inside him. It is worth it to meet someone who was familiar with my “exes” or even just see a thing from those times, or just talk casually. And all, spoiled mood and psychological torture in me for a week ensured. And all this is accompanied by phrases like: but if you did not have then … Now we would have been so beautiful. Well, etc.
I’m terribly tired of it all. If before I listened to him, pitied, tried to help get out of this state. Now I’m starting to shake at the mere mention of it. I mean, how much more is enough? He says he loves me very much, so he is jealous. And I am in such a state that I do not even want love, would have given a quiet life.
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